Walking Poem-- "Gaps"

Called to the woods today
First full day out of school
Seemed to be the most perfect thing to so
Be among the cypress and the ferns that
Make up the southwest Florida landscape I love
Walking walking
Trees and brush and squirrels
Incredible fluffy clouds over a lake
Where catfish lethargically swim around the limestone
Frog calls. Boardwalk winds.
Then...a gap
An area of water, not a lake, just an opening
Where no ferns grow
Where vision is expanded
Where dragonflies dart and play
Herons fly. Naturally occurring.
A place to breathe.

The gap filled me with regret
The regret all teachers know
That my students learned so much
But there was still so much left unlearned
No matter how I try to make it all
Fit and click
There are always the gaps
The openings like a crevice.
They come to me and I do my best
I request effort and commitment on their part
I require them to think.

I left high school teaching because I saw the gaps
I had hoped as a middle school teacher I could better prepare them
And for a moment one day
Reading final exam essays
I thought I had it
I thought, yes, they are ready

But maybe not
For as a reflective practitioner I have to face the truth
There are always gaps
The point is to learn, make a new plan, try anew
Ten years in the classroom...yes, I know more now
But it never feels like enough.

This is why teachers need time away from school
(The idea of year round school terrifies me)
I need time to think, contemplate, investigate
I need to gain the belief that I can do it
That next year when they walk out of my class
The gaps won't be so gaping
That maybe I nearly got it right

August will come.
I will take a deep breath
And begin again.