Silver Wings
Silver wings shining
in the sunlight…
“It’s a great
opportunity.”
“But it’s so far
away.”
“Just for two
years. I’ll be back.”
“Will you?”
They
were sitting on the deck of the local microbrewery. She took a long sip of her
summer ale draft, staring directly at him, not even blinking.
“Of course. How
long do you think an American can actually stay in South Korea?”
“Why would an
American want to go there at all?”
With
that she gathered her bag, took a final sip of beer, kissed him on the cheek.
“I’ll call you
later.”
Roaring
engines headed somewhere in flight…
“So
why did you call?”
“I
felt like things got left a little weird.”
“Ha! Really?”
“Look,
we’ve been together for a long time.
But it isn’t like we’re planning on getting married. This teaching thing
is something I want to try before getting married anyway. So I really don’t get the big deal.”
“You’re
right. No big deal. You should do it.”
He
clicked on the red End Call button and picked the platinum diamond ring up
between his fingers and rolled it around.
They’re
taking you away leaving me lonely…
Trying
to explain this to his older sister was torture. She had helped him choose the
ring just last week.
“I
just don’t get it. Why didn’t you
just ask her?”
“I
wanted to. But she was so sure, so
excited. And then, well, she told me it is something to do before getting
married. Just felt I didn’t have
the right.”
“The
right?”
“To
take that away.”
“Listen
– she’s an idiot to choose fuckin’ South Korea over you. And she’s over thirty, for God’s
sake. Time to stop living the
fantasy life and see what’s in front of her.”
“She
likes what she does. She wants to expand…”
“Stop
defending her already. I don’t get
it. You need to man up and set her straight. That should help her ‘expand’.”
The
server brought their food to the table.
He changed the subject.
Silver
wings slowly fading out of sight.
The
ring feels like it’s burning a hole in his pocket as they have their last
dinner together. She is leaving
tomorrow. She’s animated and
slurping plenty of wine but not eating much. She is anticipatory.
He is nervous and defeated all at once. When they kiss goodnight at her
door, he tries hard to make the words come but they seem to have permanently
lost their way to his mouth.
“Don’t
leave me,” I cry
Don’t
take that airplane ride…
That night he had
a dream – several dreams, in fact.
In nearly every one of them a movie scene played out. He runs to the airport with the ring
and doesn’t even need to beg her to stay.
She knows the minute he arrives, and runs to his arms. This repeats
itself over and over. Each time he
wakes slowly and comes to the desperate realization that it isn’t real. Finally, he has a terrible dream where
she’s kidnapped by North Korea and tortured, and needs him to be her savior.
Wasn’t that a 30 Rock episode? Anyway, the nightmare leaves him
permanently awake. He gets up and shuffles around the apartment. In a drawer he finds a card she gave
him for his last birthday. The
cover is muted gold, bronze, and silver with geese in flight. Not exactly the most romantic image he
realized. Inside was different, however.
There she had signed it: “I will always only want you and only you.”
He stared at the
words for a long time. Had that changed?
And if so, when? She hadn’t
said that to him for a long time.
It was a little endearment she had used over and over. It marked their relationship. “You and only you…”
The
words written in purple ink and the dreams gave him a new resolve. Tomorrow he would try again.
But
you locked me out of your mind
Left
me standing here behind…
Her
flight should be leaving about now.
He’s on the airport grounds, in the cell lot, staring at the ring. He had come there thinking he’d run
into the airport and stop her, sweep her off her feet, like in the dream. Yet he
sits, knowing he’s missed his chance, kicking himself for not manning up like
my sister told him to do. He
peers out the window, thinking
somehow he’ll see her plane, see her waving goodbye out the window. He jumps sky high when his phone rings.
“There
has been a slight delay, so I thought I’d give you a quick call because I don’t
know when we will be able to talk again.
How are you?”
She’s
contrite, he notices, has a little give in her voice. He decides to use it to
his advantage.
“Truth?”
“Truth.”
“Torn
up. Not sure what to do with myself. Missing you already. Wanting you to stay.”
Silence
He
decides it’s time. He’ll make the
leap. Then run into the airport and find her. It feels right for the first time. But she breaks the silence before he has a chance.
“Well,
guess there isn’t much else to say.
I’m going to get going.”
“Or
you could stay and we could get married…”
“What?”
“You
could stay…” He hears noise,
obviously a loudspeaker, in the background. Yet, he can sense her hesitation. Maybe sis was right.
This is the moment. She will see what is real.
“Hey,
they’re calling my flight. I’m so nervous! I’ve gotta run. Are you going to be
alright?”
“Uh,
yes. I’ll be fine. I’ll be just fine.”
Silver
wings slowly fading out of sight.
#
Lyrics to "Silver Wings" copyright Merle Haggard
Merle and Jewel sing “Silver Wings”
