The Surprising Return of the Prodigal Christmas Spirit

Just part of the collection

I've been a lover of Christmas since I was a child, when the excitement, the colors, the lights of the holidays was sometimes overwhelming.  I was a fanatic, especially when it came to music.  We were in a constant rotation of Sing Along With Mitch and Ray Coniff Singers We Wish You a Merry Christmas music at my house.  As I grew up, I started a lot of my own Christmas traditions -- mailing Christmas cards to nearly everyone I knew, always on December 8th.  Buying Christmas ornaments on my travels throughout the year.  Putting up the tree on the day after Thanksgiving.  Selecting a new Christmas album/CD each year. A growing collection of wooden nutcracker statues and Dickens Village Houses. A beautiful nativity set decorated with lights and sparkly material. Planning parties and cookies and party outfits and gifts starting as early as September.  Christmas was simply the best!

Christmas parties and fancy clothes!

But somewhere along the line, that spirit filtered away.  I think it began in the late 1980's when I became a business owner.  The office Christmas parties which had been a staple of our existence began to drift away.  I often had to work quite a bit leading up to the holidays and during.  As we got into the 1990's, other things began to interfere in my Christmas plans, thus sapping my spirit.  Financial instability.  Raising our grandson and having the unfortunate experience of visiting him in juvenile jail on Christmas Eve.  The loss of my father. Many of these things began to get in the way of any traditions we had.  I got into the idea of unplugging the Christmas Machine, and felt disgusted with the commercialism and lack of real peace and joy.  Events like putting up the tree began to feel rote and like a crazy obligation, rather than a joyful day with music, beer, and chocolate.  Sometimes that tree would stay up until Valentines day because no one had the time or energy to take it down.

Then there was depression.  Nothing kills Christmas spirit like a bout of the dark night of the soul.

At the beach on Christmas day, 2008

The year we moved to Florida, I felt a bit of spirit.  It was all so new.  We didn't have room for a Christmas tree, but I decorated a little orange tree we had with garland.  I am not one that has to have snow on Christmas, so being in Florida with decorated palm trees and the chance to go to the beach on Christmas Eve was a dream come true.

2008 -- the last time we put up our tree.  Macbeth was still with us.

But again, busyness -- going to school and then beginning my teaching career -- continued to sap any energy I had for Christmas.  As the last 10 years have gone by, I can honestly say that most of the time I was just going through the motions.  When we bought our condo, we excitedly bought a new tree as part of our celebration.  But that tree has often lain unopened in the garage in favor of a tiny fiber optic tree which only took 5 minutes to set up.

Even when my sister and her family moved to Ft. Myers in 2010, the Christmas spirit did not return.  It felt totally foreign to me to feel it on any kind of consistent basis.  Oh sure, I would feel a blip of it occasionally when I heard a certain song or when Linus on A Charlie Brown Christmas explains to Charlie Brown what Christmas is all about.  And yes, when I was a regular church-goer I might feel it there. But for the most part, it was just an obligation that I didn't feel much of a connection to, and no amount of forcing it could make it any different.

Loved celebrating with my sister and family even if I didn't feel much spirit.

Then a miracle happened.  I call it a miracle because it has felt that way for the last six weeks.

It was mid-October, and I was playing Song Pop.  One of my competitors played a Christmas Tunes playlist.  As each carol came up, I felt...excited...joyful...READY!  (For the record, I had played these same playlists last year without a blip of care or feeling.)

From that moment on, I have had Christmas Spirit in full, growing, and utterly joy-filled vitality.  I am learning the mandolin, and happily playing Christmas carols.  I watched Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer the first night it was on, and didn't care when people on Facebook complained that it wasn't even Thanksgiving yet.  Yesterday, Jim and I put up our tree with help from our nephew, and I've been playing music -- all those CD's from the past -- nonstop. I am looking forward to this Christmas like no other I can remember...ever.

Tree ready for a spirited holiday!

What made the difference?  I am not 100% sure.  I do know that this past year I have made a commitment to myself to live the life I've always wanted to live -- thus, this blog, taking up the mandolin, getting into a work situation which is easier on me.  At 58-years-old I realized if I don't follow the stars that beckon now, when will I?  Now or never, as Elvis sings.

Perhaps, though, there is something more at work.  Perhaps the Christmas Spirit is a living thing, like Scrooge realized in A Christmas Carol and Jimmy Stewart in It's a Wonderful Life.  Maybe the Spirit truly did leave my heart for a while, so I can know the joy of its return.  Or maybe it is just like the Prodigal Son -- what was lost is now found. If I had to miss something in order to realize its full impact on me, then all I have to say is THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.  Quantum physics tells us everything in the universe if made of energy.  Perhaps the steps I took this year freed up the energy I needed for Spirit to return.

 I guess this, like everything else, has to do with where we put our priorities.  Obviously over the years my priorities have shifted.  Yet, that still doesn't dampen the fact that this Christmas Spirit has taken me by amazing surprise, and I couldn't be happier about it.  By the time we're in our late 50's, we often think there are no more surprises left.  So to be surprised by this Spirit has been miraculous.

Even if I didn't believe this Spirit will ever return (and I didn't),  I will never stop believing in miracles.  They are everywhere, just waiting to happen.  Just waiting to take us each by surprise.